16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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