You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
