And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
