how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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