kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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