there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Drunk is not a location!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
