Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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