I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
