a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize