I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
