just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
