I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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