These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
