ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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