my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
