I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
