i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
