I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
