I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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