Already got asked if we're dating
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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