i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
they need to just BURY HIM!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
