Plan B is the new Plan A
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
