She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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