I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wear drunk well.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
