Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
