I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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