Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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