the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
