The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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