i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
