There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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