Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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