i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
