You're so nebulous sometimes
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
