he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
