we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
