if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
