I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
