just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you had me at cake vodka
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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