Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize