I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
