some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
