Soap is not a condiment
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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