Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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