I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
