i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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