look no pants
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
