hotel room ftw
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
