Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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