I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he quoted the bible to break up with me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
