I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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