dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The uberlube is also flammable
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
