i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
