You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
