My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
