you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
