Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize