WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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