How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just found puke in my bra..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
