You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Is it because I queefed?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
