Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
