Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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