I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
