youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
