9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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