i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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