Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
