Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
