my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
there is glitter all over my balls
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize