I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize