i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
