I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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